LOST LOVE……unspoken truth of lover.

‘Sorry I can’t live a moment without you, I ought to live each moment with you then how could I be so selfish! You were right I am selfish, yes I am! I lost your love, your faith. I spoiled your life, I am reason behind your failure. I lied, I broke your promise, please forgive me not!’ I read his last sentences of diary which he delegation me since a day before. He handed me because of my request consistently to read his diary. It was painful to start with those lines, I swiped my tears which was making his way to be mist though cheeks. I turned to page one from where the story of unspoken truth of a lover began.      
‘It was cold winter morning, as usual I wake up at 9am. After picking up my tea cup I went outside through veranda. Fresh moisture air touched my cheeks. I took a look on upward in sky, it was fully dense fogged even I could not see the Neem’s tree just hundred meters apart from my house. I smiled to imagine the beautiful sight of thousand miles away Massorie’s sketch and drink a sip of tea. My cell, TINY, beeped it was a messages, It was probably first time while getting disturbed, causal notification from FB, Niharika Jain accepted your friend request. Willing to chat her I login on respective account and checked out her timeline and wall-post. Niharika, I could say NIHI, a cute face with dimples on cheeks like PRETTY ZINTA, curly hairs, dark black eyes and lips….. . Besides her pictures I got to know about a missing term from his life, It was Smile; most beautiful flick of the world. Her wall post and timeline explained her pain, loneliness and extreme pain of separation. Probably she met a heartbreak. Am I right? I thought. ‘It’s better to chat than guessing.’
With ‘Hi’ a quite usual conversation began from my side. I was expecting to get back her reply as she ‘seen’ quickly. Minutes passed, I drink second sip, ufffff. It was cold, tasteless tea. Before I could wait so long Mom snatched my phone and warned not use again in morning. It was supposed to be hot just next moment as sun opened his eyes. Time escaped, my board exams date sheet has been out and I forget ‘that’ girl as well as cold tea too.
‘How many times I warned you not to use cell while studying, do you not want to use it anymore?’ mom was too angry, it was happen just because of this nonsense beep of new message. Before I could switched it off again caught in Mom’s custody. I cursed my cell to get warn again without any fault. Normally I try to keep away my phone during studies. However I get it back on dinner with lots of advises cum warning. I feel so much bad so I searched who send message.
 ‘Oh! It was a message from her side.’ I jumped as I get any achievement. She asked, ‘May we know each other?’ it was quite rude but I handled with cooperating with such an expecting situation that she was facing though.
Our conversation started, increases by time and soon we became close friends. She was from lover’s city Agra and studying in Jaipur. A typical Hindustani girl with a lot of spiritual knowledge. It was going good while season were passing rapidly. My exams ended, her too. She was engineering student, means senior girl but she never showed her impression of being senior. I tried to keep her away from the past as well as I never asked about the darken truth of her life, many times when she felt bad I keep distract her mind with jokes of my childhood and silliness thoughts.
A year latter
‘Happy birthday my cute, sweet lovely friend’ I heard her first time since we friends. It was great day for me as well as birthday too. It was great present for me. I was deeply in love with her, but fearing   to say. Before I could an accident rammed my courage. She met an accident. I get to know by her friend, PRACHI. I strutted badly, I want to see her, dying to meet her. I tried my best even I manage to visit her city. But she take me calm that she would be fine in a week then we will meet. I cried all over the night, I get in touch continuously, while dressing, taking medicines, doctors visit I suggested to be hold on call. It was painful to listen her sigh.
Soon she become my old NIHI and planned to meet in Jaipur. The day before we met I talked all over night to her, it was awesome moment. I saw her, touch her, talked her and proposed. She rejected, ‘I DON’T WANT TO BE IN a RELATIONSHIP!’ I heard her, sad but accepted without any consideration. We enjoyed the whole day as a good friend. Jaipur memories was enough to remember her forever. I love her thee never want to lose her. I was happy that she was happy.
‘Lakshya, I want to tell you something.’ She was upset that night. In past two years I never heard her sad. ‘I had cheated in love and broken badly. You can guess my situation with my suicide attempt.’ She sobbed. I took a deep breath, I was feeling bad, not because of her past, there was reason to cry. 
She continued ‘After recovering parents send me here, I am lucky to get you as a good friend as well as LOVER.’ She was about to cry.
I cut her ‘Please do not cry, I will love till my last breath, it does not matter either you make time for me or not.’
‘Promise me you will never leave me otherwise I will kill myself. I LOVE YOU stupid! Please hold my hand I could not walk alone anymore.’ We both mixed up with feelings of deep love at the same moment. I never expected, she had a suffering & scaring past.
Since then time turns and our life too, we celebrated together our joys. We are delighted to start our new life after our settlement together. I was decided to go for engineering and shine my carrier as an automobile engineer and she convinced her family to continue her study until not get achievement or research. It was just because her age, she was elder to me so she need to continue her study until I get a job.
 Soon I went to Engineering, She was fearing to lose me in college climate. Latter her fear get a deep truth, we hardly manage to talk. Distance and missing makes situation so hard for me. I was curious on this situation, while this undesirable situation she get busy somewhere. Fifteen day passed without a message, it was first time she went away without a call. I get angry on her and this made her cry. Situation went tough as bad time started, in a while she was keeping to avoid me without any reason. It was panic, I was broken with her attitude. I tried to convince her on her birthday, I offered her to celebrate together but already she had decided. My exam came and out, I got habitual to pills for sleep. No one were for care, even I used to cry hours. My condition get worst.
After couple of months, in the hostel, I was offered a sip. My tension and her memories forced to drink. I drank badly and called her to tell how much I love her. I still not remember what I had talked her that night. But assured, that was last call of her. Just before my birthday, I decide to breakup so that I post a letter with her beautiful memories like a ring, bracelet, etc. on her hostel address. I was unaware to future’s unwilling danger. This letter was caught on security check and My NIHI was suspended for a month as well as her parents feel shame. This was an accident of my life, she messaged me, and “I loved a person who was pure, faithful and inspiring boy who understands a girl feeling inside the heart. But you are………..”
It was second last page. I got the point of his sadness and lankness of sparking in eyes. I had never seen him willing to talk any girl. He is handsome enough to be prince of any girl, even many girls flirted to him front of my eyes. Many times I feel jealous on his rudeness to girls. He said truly, ‘I had already enjoyed my share of love.’ Story ended but so much to know Is he still used to smoke, drink or pills or going to attempt suicide? No it can’t be! He is writing his first book to tell the world how much he loved her.

Amit Pandey